Day 11 and 12 - A Failed Challenge

Let's start off by correcting a couple stretched truths.  I admit, I haven't been completely honest with you so far knowing who might be reading these entries.  People I know.  "Her". 

In my first post, I said we're married.  That's not true.  Almost all of our friends believe we are.  We wear rings.  She has a nice diamond ring on her finger.  It was a present.  We've never married.  She's my girlfriend.  We've gotten into the habit of referring to each other as husband and wife, although we aren't.

I made another comment saying that we have a great relationship.  We have great aspects to our relationship but our relationship isn't great.  To me, a great relationship is one that allows both people to grow positively.  To become better people in one way or another.  Great relationships might not last forever, but they let people take the good they've been given by the other and continue on their journey.   

We've all heard the saying "Behind every great man is a great woman.".  There she is, with her open hand on his back, guiding him forward with her support - not gripping at his collar.

Recently, all I've been getting from her is a sense of depression, general disinterest in everything (except doing nothing) and a complete lack of motivation to do anything positive or productive.  For someone who always wants to be on the go and accomplishing something, no matter how small, this is extremely hard to be around.  When I came up with this "challenge" and she showed interest in it, that was a sign of hope for me.  Perhaps that interest could transfer into other aspects of her life.  If I could re-spark her interest in sex maybe she'd get her "steam" back and start showing an interest in LIFE again.  Well, as I mentioned before, her interest in this fell off rapidly....as tends to happen with everything.

Our sex life is dead.  I feel creativity, experimentation and an open mind are key to a good sexual relationship.  Monotony is a deadly creature.  It's a slow killer.  For a long time now, if I give any inclination that I'd like something other than our normal position, I'm met with "the look" or hesitation.  This can be something as simple as a blowjob.  It might still happen, but it's not enjoyed anymore because I know it's happening out of a sense of obligation, not because she wants to.

Last night, I decided we need a pause.  There will always be an excuse not to do something on any given night.  If all she does is look for excuses why not to, then it should end.  If all she finds is reasons why she doesn't want to try something new or revisit something old, rather than being excited about new experiences, then it should end.  If it were only sex, this would be something we could work on, but it's now her nature - and it's extremely difficult to be around.  It's demotivating ME.  It's contagious.

Challenge result = failure.